Southsweats Ohio Masters Road Race

Southsweats Ohio Masters Road Race

Nobody died as far as of last report, despite the ruthless heat and climby course that made up the Southwest Ohio Master’s road race, held June 20, 2010. Yup, for you yunguns, that’s a race for those 30+ sinewy crusty riders, that took place on a hilly course akin to the Bond Rd course of Spring Series, but a helluva lot hotter! But to put it in perspective, the fastest dudes in Cincinnati are over 30, wait, they’re over 40 years old! Something to look forward too, huh? Well, if you’ve been paying attention, its no surprise the Huntington boys blew the barn doors off with some good ‘ol bait and switch tactics, then one (John Gatch) just plain powered to a solo flight win in the 40-49 group. But as you might be thinking, “Masters race, what the?”, fellow teamsters James O’Laughlin and Christa Zielke showed up to show out.  Christa bailed early after revisiting breakfast on Flick, while James lost two pantsizes and finished well and in good spirits.

James offered the following abbreviated account (I had to clean up a lot of shit for our children readers) :  “I stuck with the lead 40-49 geezer group for 2 times up f Li ck. While charging up Flick for the second I saw Christa on the side. Apparently she was fertilizing and watering the plants with stomach fluids.  The second trip up Flick I was shat out the back like an old man dealing with White Castle. I survived 6 more laps on one of the most brutal circuits I’ve ever experienced.”

Here’s what Christa had to say: “Nerves + unbearable heat + nasty hills = bye bye breakfast! :(”

“But they’re just pussies,” you say. Nope, that race was rough, just the way David Riemenschneider likes it. You had to be tough to survive this race, tougher than the leathery skin on the 50+ riders. I know cause my knee was all salt and sass just from doin’ water handups and making photos on the Flick Rd climb. Anyway, me and Thea ran H2O and I took a few snaps (shot of Christa comes from Jeffrey Jakucyk and exploited by David R. for our endless enjoyment), check it out.

What, you don't stretch after a race? Christa does.

Christa during upright portion of race.

James nearing top of Flick, nice smooth stroke, too.

I talked with Mr. Ed about hill climbing tactics, but he's a doper so I disregarded everything he said.

View from the race course. Unlikely any racers looked.

Word has it that Huntington uses motor assist on their bikes, but while there's no reason not to believe that, the button on the handlebars more likely releases a Carbocaffeine suppository from within the saddle.